Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Seven Months

Seven months. That is how long is has been since you unwillingly left us. It has become a macabre anniversary for me. Each month I dread the coming of the 8th in the worst way. This month worst of all. Christmas is fast approaching and all I want to do is push a fast-forward button into next year.

It is 17 days until Christmas and there is not a decoration in the house. No tree. No lights hanging from the eves. Nothing. They sit in storage where you last touched them. I need to drag some of them out. It is not fair to Sophie to pretend the holidays do not exist this year. This weekend I am going to go get a small tree and put up the stockings and do my best to fake her into believing I am happy it is Christmas time. Inside though I feel crushed.

I don't have to do much. We are flying to Texas on the 19th to spend Christmas in Winnie. We will all do our best to make it a joyful and happy event for Sophie. I had one request of Sharon and Mike and that was that they got a real tree this year rather than an artificial one. They did and I am thankful for that. It is probably silly of me but I just can't imagine Christmas without the real deal.

People keep asking me for suggestions on gifts for Sophie. The truth is I don't know. You always took care of figuring out the cool gifts and things she wanted. You made sure she never wanted for anything. I guess that is something else I need to do this week. Cobble together some kind of list of things that she would want or use.

I hurt. Inside I feel so despondent right now. I pray desperately for your return. I know it is in vain but I do it none-the-less. This is not how I wanted my life to be. You were my best friend and the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. You were the best mom to Sophie. I can never replace those things.

I miss you. Terribly. Merry Christmas my love.


  1. *hugs* Sophie will guide you through this year. It's going to be tough, but you can do it.

    Pondering presents: Sophie looked so cute with her doll in their matching American Girl outfits (http://www.americangirl.com/shop/clothing/matching-doll-girl-sets). Jammies (you all need matching jammies. I think Hanna Andersson is the best place: organic cotton http://www.hannaandersson.com/division.aspx?id=sleepwear). A new story book to read together on Christmas Eve. LEGOs - stuff you can make with her. I loved playing LEGO with my Dad at her age.

    Help her to write a letter to Santa: if you can, take her to see a Santa and sit on his knee and have a photo too.

    I can't say it's going to be OK: there's going to be moments when it isn't. But you can do it. Of that I am certain.

  2. my heart goes out to you and Sophie and the Fahey's at this time.I pray that your hearts heal.I miss her posts and her smile.Wishing you safe travels to Winnie.Peace to all of you.