Monday, July 6, 2015

Your Voice

Your mom came to town for a few days to pick up Sophie to take her down for her annual summer trip to Texas. We didn't really plan anything to do. Chuck and the kids came over on the 3rd to watch the fireworks. The same thing we did last year only this year you were not here with us. Each holiday or event brings on a new wave of sadness. I just don't think that is ever going to change. Sure we will eventually have some happy moments too but the sadness will always be lurking there just below the service.

Your mom got Sophie's room all organized for me. We boxed up the clothes that were too small for her (which I will store and never get rid of because they remind me of you). School starts in a couple of weeks for Sophie and I am having a hard time thinking about her first day of real school without you here. You always made sure she looked so nice and got all excited to take photos of her. You were the best at that.

While your mom was here we talked about how neither of us could watch something that had your voice in it. Somehow *hearing* you makes it so much harder for me. For the first few weeks after you died I would call your voicemail several times a day just to hear you without having a visual image to attach it to. Just your voice. I miss your voice. I miss the silly voice impressions you would do. I miss you.

I am glad Sophie is having fun visiting your parents. I am definitely not having fun with her gone. All I do is miss her. With you gone it is the closest connection I have to you. This beautiful child that we made together. A child that highlights the best of both of us without any of the negatives. She is so full of grace and kindness. She amazes me everyday. She fills my heart with love. Love for her and love for you for giving her to me. Love.

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