Monday, July 13, 2015

Two Months and Five Days

You have been gone for over a little over 2 months. Not a single day has passed that was not full of loneliness and tears.  It does not get easier. I am not sure I want it to get easier. At least with the pain I feel connected to you. It is a reminder of just how much I love and miss you. I will carry the pain of losing you for the rest of my life. Now and forever.

Sophie is still down in Texas with your parents. She is having a great time and while I miss her a great deal I am happy that she is having fun with her Gee and Paw Paw. It also gave me a chance to start going through all of the stuff in the basement. I cried so much yesterday as I cleaned and organized. All of your maternity clothing brought back tons of memories. There were pictures I had not seen in awhile. I even found some old grocery lists that you had made. For some reason I saved them. The hardest part was going through a box that had old cards that I had given you and cards you had given me. I would do anything to be able to send you one last card just so you would know for eternity just how much I love you.

Nothing is the same at home. The house feels so terribly empty without your presence there. I spent part of the weekend getting the yard in shape. The grass is in the best shape it has been since we moved in. Every time I look at it I want to be able to share it with you. I want to look up while mowing it and see you sitting in the chair by the fire pit with a mimosa in hand. Instead there is no one there. Just a memory of you and a yearning to see you again.

I miss you honey.

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