Friday, June 26, 2015

Title-less

It has been a couple of days since I wrote you last. You always wanted me to write you more often when you left town and I wish I had done more of it for you. Not a day goes by that I have not cried because I miss you. At work today I was thinking about all of the things we would talk about. How we could stay in bed for hours just talking and making each other laugh. Missing the way you would snort when you were laughing really hard. I miss that.

Not a day goes by that Sophie does not tell me she misses you. I am not sure I will ever truly understand the depth of her sorrow even at such a young age. You were the best mommy to her and I will never let her forget that. No one could ever take your place.

Sophie has not slept in her bed a single night since we got home. If I leave the room and she does not know exactly where I am I can hear the panic in her voice as she calls out for me. I promised her that after work today I would take her out for ice cream. We went to Swirly Cow and I think she got more toppings than ice cream. The last time I was there was when the three of us went after one of Sophie's soccer games. No matter where I go I am surrounded by memories of you.

The house feels so empty without you. You were the one that made everything work. I still can't pack up your things in the bedroom and closet. It is a total mess but I just need those parts of you near me still. Eventually I will find the strength to pack everything up so Sophie can have it someday. For now your stuff still occupies our room and our space. I am not sure when I will be able to change that.

I finalized my last will and testament yesterday. Something I never would have thought of our done before you left us. At least not at this age. I increased my life insurance, have been to the doctor or a physical, and have started eating better. You use to joke that I had to live longer than you because you could not live without me. I don't think is this is how you meant it to go. I needed 50 more years without. I love you too much for you to be gone already.

Know that I miss you and love you and will do so for eternity until I am by your side again. You are my one true love darling. Now and forever.

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