Saturday, June 13, 2015

Saturday Afternoon Mimosa

Today is the first period in awhile where it has been warm enough to spend much time outside. It was the kind of day when you were alive that you would be out on the patio drinking a mimosa while I mowed the lawn. I can picture what you would be wearing. How you would be sitting in the chairs by the fire pit with your feet up. How you would have your hair pulled up and your sunglasses on. As I mowed the lawn this morning that is all I could think about. Everyday without you seems worse than the day before. I miss you so much. Each night in bed Sophie talks about how she wishes you were not in Heaven. How you were still her mommy here. It takes everything in me not to break down completely in front of her. I need to be strong for her, she doesn't need to be strong for me.

Bryna and Ross are bringing Toren up to visit for a couple of days. Holly loved Bryna so much and was always so excited when she got to see her. It will be nice to have them around for a few days. While I am one to prefer (if you can prefer such a thing) to mourn in private and away from people, I like them and know how much they cared about Holly. Sophie will be happy to see her cousin for a few days as well.

I miss you honey. I miss you so much I can hardly stand it. You were a pain in the ass but I loved that about you. I just wish you were still here with me.

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