Thursday, June 11, 2015

6 Years

Today would have marked our 6 year anniversary and I am sitting in my office crying like a fool. . Holly always loved celebrating special occasions. Her mother went and laid flowers on her grave for me today. She always wanted flowers. Holly always loved celebrating special occasions. What I would give to be celebrating with her today.

I knew today would be a hard day. I knew I would have a hard time holding it together. As predicted I am a total mess. The hardest day in a long time. Why did this happen to us. How does God allow this to happen. I don't have half the strength I need to navigate these waters. Someone has a lot more faith in me then I do.

There is a public service of healing at church today. I am going down to spend my lunch praying for Holly, Sophie, and our families. My dad sent me an email last night that included, "It just seems like our family has had more than our share of grief to deal with." I could not have said anything more true than that.

6 years ago today Holly and I married in San Francisco. Kelsea and Jason were there. Holly and I spent the night out at an old bar called Vesuvio which is mildly famous. We drank Bombay Saphire and tonic all night as we talked about our life to be, our plans, our dreams. When the bill came at the end of the night it should have been well over $150. The waitress only charged us $39 because we looked so happy. Such a happy day and memory.

Sophie and I will spend the evening eating dinner with our good friends. Being home alone tonight would be too hard for me. I will put on my brave face and do my best to remember only the happy memories. I miss you baby. I miss you so much.

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