Saturday, May 23, 2015

Home

We are home. It was a long and slow drive from Amarillo today. There was torrential rain, tornado warnings, and overall suck for almost the entire day. It was harder coming home than I thought it would be. Everything in the house reminds me of Holly. Her touch is on everything and it rips me up inside whenever I have the smallest memory of her. How in the world am I suppose to get over this. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing but sad memories and hard truths face me right now. Why did this happen?

Sophie has had her hardest day so far. She has repeatedly told me that she misses her mommy and it takes everything I have not to break down in tears when she says it. She is laying beside me watching Paw Patrol on her iPad. I don't even have the heart to make her go to sleep. I think I need her more than she needs me right now. What a burden for an almost 5 year old.

We picked up the dogs tonight from our good friend who was watching them. They have agreed to keep Lulu which is both a blessing and a heart ache. Lulu is the golden-doodle puppy that Holly got in February. While it makes me immeasurably sad to rehome her it is for the best. With everything that is going on it would be impossible to give a puppy the love and attention it needs. She will be happy with her new home where she has room to roam and a loving family to watch over her. I think Holly would be okay with it as well. It still hurts to lose a little piece of her.

We are fortunate to have good friends, good neighbors, and good family. Sophie's school even sent a beautiful arrangement of flowers. So much love yet I still feel so horribly far away from being the happy person I was before. I know we will get through it but it sure feels like a task beyond my ability.

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